Just be yourself

I think all of us struggle with accepting our real self, as opposed our ideal self.  We have all these ideas of things we want to be able to do well, yet it never seems to happen, because it just isn't us.

Here is an example.  My ideal self is a morning person.  She gets up early, works out, studies, writes, make a great breakfast for her kids.  She greets the day ready for a new challenge.  My real self waits until the last possible minute to pull herself out of bed.  She stumbles into the shower, taking a bit longer than necessary.  After she is dressed, she stares longingly at the bed wishing she could just crawl back in.  My real self is not a morning person.  No matter what time I go to bed, getting up in the morning is the hardest part of my day.

At this point in my life, I have pretty much accepted that.  Not that I don't wish I could be that ideal woman getting up and going before dawn, but I know it is never going to happen.

The definition of ideal is: a standard of perfection and excellence.  Though it is important to strive to be excellent, I am tired of feeling bad about myself when I fall short.  Maybe, I should stop being so hard on myself.

Ask yourself, what are your core values?  

When I asked myself this, the first thing came to mind was my family.  I love being with my kids and my husband.  My top priority is that they feel loved.  I read an article that said most kids said they wished their parents spent more time with them.  When I asked my kids if they wished I spent more time with them my oldest said,

"Mom, I don't think you could possibly spend more time with us."

It made me feel awesome and I realized I am putting my all into something that is important to me. So what if I don't get up and start my day early, I spend it doing what mattered to me.


Ask yourself - what are your likes and dislikes?

My ideal self is creative.  Things like quilting, scrap booking, and interior design.  I look at other people who excel in these areas and go green with envy, yet when I try and force myself to do it, I am miserable.  I would much rather read a book, clean my house, or exercise.  All good things as well, but not my ideal self.

I guess the point is we all should be our authentic self, focus on our strengths, and let the weaknesses go.  If you try it, and try it, and it doesn't work for you, do something you enjoy and are good at.  Let yourself be who you are. It's amazing how freeing it can be.

I feel guilty for saying no

I wonder when saying no became a bad thing.  It is strange how, in our society when someone asks you to do something, there is an automatic pressure to say yes.  Sometimes, we go far out of our way to do things for other people, even if it is at our own disadvantage.

I'm not saying we should never go out of our way to help people.  In fact I think sometimes I can be far too selfish, and it doesn't hurt me to inconvenience myself to help someone out.  I know there are so many times when people have done things for me, and I would have been stuck without them.

But sometimes it is okay to say no.

You are the one who knows your priorities in life.  One of my big priorities is having my house clean, and the only time I really have to get it done is Saturday mornings.  So when someone asks me to do something first thing Saturday morning, I usually say no.  If I don't get my house clean on the weekend, it will drive me nuts all week, and it isn't worth it.  People may judge this, but I have to be the one to live with me, so I have to do what is best for me.

You are the one that is going to be most affected by the decisions you make in life.  Much like priorities, I am the one who will suffer consequences of my decisions.  If I do something for someone else, but it puts me in a bind, should I really do it?  I say No.  Again, I'm not saying never, but I am saying it shouldn't make me feel guilty.  I should be able to say that doesn't work for me, and let it go.  If the person asking the favor cares about me, they will understand.

What are the best ways to say no?

I think the best practices is to tell the truth.  If you are overloaded and you just can't make it work, tell people.  Everyone should understand that.

It isn't nice to always say yes.  If you say yes, but then complain and the whole time you are doing it, and get resentful of the other person, it was probably better to say no.

Offer to do it later when it works better for you.  If someone needs a favor, it shouldn't be too difficult to do it on your time schedule.  And if it doesn't work, they will have to find someone else.

All this being said, I recently said yes to something I didn't want to, and it all worked out.  I just think it is good to keep in mind that saying no doesn't make you a bad person.  We can only do what we can do.  Right?


(Some info from lifehack,org)