Just be yourself

I think all of us struggle with accepting our real self, as opposed our ideal self.  We have all these ideas of things we want to be able to do well, yet it never seems to happen, because it just isn't us.

Here is an example.  My ideal self is a morning person.  She gets up early, works out, studies, writes, make a great breakfast for her kids.  She greets the day ready for a new challenge.  My real self waits until the last possible minute to pull herself out of bed.  She stumbles into the shower, taking a bit longer than necessary.  After she is dressed, she stares longingly at the bed wishing she could just crawl back in.  My real self is not a morning person.  No matter what time I go to bed, getting up in the morning is the hardest part of my day.

At this point in my life, I have pretty much accepted that.  Not that I don't wish I could be that ideal woman getting up and going before dawn, but I know it is never going to happen.

The definition of ideal is: a standard of perfection and excellence.  Though it is important to strive to be excellent, I am tired of feeling bad about myself when I fall short.  Maybe, I should stop being so hard on myself.

Ask yourself, what are your core values?  

When I asked myself this, the first thing came to mind was my family.  I love being with my kids and my husband.  My top priority is that they feel loved.  I read an article that said most kids said they wished their parents spent more time with them.  When I asked my kids if they wished I spent more time with them my oldest said,

"Mom, I don't think you could possibly spend more time with us."

It made me feel awesome and I realized I am putting my all into something that is important to me. So what if I don't get up and start my day early, I spend it doing what mattered to me.


Ask yourself - what are your likes and dislikes?

My ideal self is creative.  Things like quilting, scrap booking, and interior design.  I look at other people who excel in these areas and go green with envy, yet when I try and force myself to do it, I am miserable.  I would much rather read a book, clean my house, or exercise.  All good things as well, but not my ideal self.

I guess the point is we all should be our authentic self, focus on our strengths, and let the weaknesses go.  If you try it, and try it, and it doesn't work for you, do something you enjoy and are good at.  Let yourself be who you are. It's amazing how freeing it can be.

I feel guilty for saying no

I wonder when saying no became a bad thing.  It is strange how, in our society when someone asks you to do something, there is an automatic pressure to say yes.  Sometimes, we go far out of our way to do things for other people, even if it is at our own disadvantage.

I'm not saying we should never go out of our way to help people.  In fact I think sometimes I can be far too selfish, and it doesn't hurt me to inconvenience myself to help someone out.  I know there are so many times when people have done things for me, and I would have been stuck without them.

But sometimes it is okay to say no.

You are the one who knows your priorities in life.  One of my big priorities is having my house clean, and the only time I really have to get it done is Saturday mornings.  So when someone asks me to do something first thing Saturday morning, I usually say no.  If I don't get my house clean on the weekend, it will drive me nuts all week, and it isn't worth it.  People may judge this, but I have to be the one to live with me, so I have to do what is best for me.

You are the one that is going to be most affected by the decisions you make in life.  Much like priorities, I am the one who will suffer consequences of my decisions.  If I do something for someone else, but it puts me in a bind, should I really do it?  I say No.  Again, I'm not saying never, but I am saying it shouldn't make me feel guilty.  I should be able to say that doesn't work for me, and let it go.  If the person asking the favor cares about me, they will understand.

What are the best ways to say no?

I think the best practices is to tell the truth.  If you are overloaded and you just can't make it work, tell people.  Everyone should understand that.

It isn't nice to always say yes.  If you say yes, but then complain and the whole time you are doing it, and get resentful of the other person, it was probably better to say no.

Offer to do it later when it works better for you.  If someone needs a favor, it shouldn't be too difficult to do it on your time schedule.  And if it doesn't work, they will have to find someone else.

All this being said, I recently said yes to something I didn't want to, and it all worked out.  I just think it is good to keep in mind that saying no doesn't make you a bad person.  We can only do what we can do.  Right?


(Some info from lifehack,org)

My Battle with Clutter

I hate clutter.  When I see something sitting on the counter, my instinct is to get rid of it immediately.  Unfortunately this has led me to throw too many things away.  Important things such as envelopes of money, my children's homework, W2's.  Of course, when I throw these things away, I feel incredibly guilty and promise not to do it again, well until the next time.

I tell my family a way to avoid this is to put stuff away.  The problem is, they think putting things on the counter top, desk top, or table top is away.  That way when they need it again, it is right there.  My argument is, if we leave everything we need out, we will become one of those families on the hoarders show.

"A lot of people express that they are overwhelmed," says Lynne Gilberg, a professional organizer in West Los Angeles, Calif. "They become nonfunctional and nonproductive," she says. That's when they call her in desperation.

"Clutter is bad for your physical and mental health," Gilberg says. Too much clutter can be a fire hazard. Dust, mold, and animal dander that collect in cluttered homes are all bad for allergies and asthma.

"When people see clutter, they use language like 'suffocating,' and 'I can't breathe,' agrees Walsh. Clutter can be a physical manifestation of mental health issues, Walsh tells WebMD. Those overwhelmed with "memory" clutter may have an undue preoccupation with things in the past and become depressed. Those who can't toss out items because they worry they will need them may be too anxious, he says. (Web MD.)

Having things out makes me itch to put it away. I do feel overwhelmed and suffocated.  I believe it even makes me feel depressed.  In my mind, my family is at fault, they should just put things away, and we all will be more at peace.  Plus, if you put something where it goes, you can find it when you need it.

I am wondering if other people suffer from the clutter battle, and how you deal with it.

Critical Monday

Hey all my fellow Netflix lovers, I have a new one for you.  It is called Broadchurch.

It is set in a small town in England where everyone knows everyone else, except the mean new detective.  The town finds an eleven year old boy on the beach who has been strangled to death.

One of the lead detectives on the case has a son who is the dead child's best friend.  This is a good cause for a lot of conflict.  It seems like everyone she knows is a suspect, the least of which is the child's father.

While this show was a little slow to start it picked up until we watched the last four episodes in one evening.  I found it  odd it only had eight episodes, so I reached out to my cousins wife asking her why English shows tended to have less episodes than American ones.

She wasn't sure, but a friend of hers suggested that English people will 'quit while they are a head' instead of the American way, where we suck every last ounce of profit out of something until the audience is so sick of it they will never watch it again.  I had to laugh at this, knowing she is very likely right.

I loved how this was set in England because it made me feel that even though I was slovenly watching hours of television, I was also having a cultural experience.  It is so strange how we speak the same language, yet there are times when I have no idea what they are saying.

Plus, I loved how the main character was a mom in her 40's with a pot belly.  She looked like a real person, not some over made up model.  It was refreshing.

This show is definitely worth your time so check it out.

(Photo from IMDB.com)

Goodbye 2015

Normally, I love New Years.  I have always viewed it as a time for new beginnings, a time to make changes to better myself.  I'm just not feeling it this year.

I've been trying to figure out something I could change, but I feel like, while there is plenty for me to better about myself, there isn't anything I want to focus on.  At least not for this year particularly.  I am always trying to do better in one area or another.

When Gretchen Rubin said in her book Happier than Before that she tried to come up with one word that serves as her goal for the new year, it got me thinking.

Is there one word that would capture what I want to change for next year?  I couldn't come up with one word but I came up with a phrase.  'Become My Best Self'.  I guess what I mean by that is to up my game in every aspect of my life.  Give my best effort in every aspect of my life.

My plan is to ask myself if my actions are in line with what I picture for my best self.  If they aren't try and do better, and if they are, give myself a gold star.

What is your New Years Resolution?

2015... Like Any Other Year

As far as I can tell this year has been much like any other.  Some ups and some downs, but mostly just the same as before.  There is comfort in that, things being how they were, how I am used to them being.

I searched for world events or even local events that I thought stood out for this year.  Though I know there were probably many, none of them seem to touch me, so it was difficult to choose any.

• The terrorist attacks in Paris.  My heart goes out to those who lost someone, there were so many.  I wish we could find a way to stop them.  
• Liquid water on Mars.  Kind of interesting, but still not vital to my existence.  
• Microsoft came out with Word 2010 which I actually kind of hate.  I was just getting used to the old one.  Why do they have to change it so often?
• We reached the day that Marty McFly came to in the Back to the Future 2.  Kind of fun to see the few things they got right about the future.  They should have had everyone's eyes glued to their cell phones.  I guess no one could predict we would shut ourselves off from each other so completely.  

I asked my family what the highlight of their year was.  

• Brian said going on a trip to Moab last month.  I have to agree it was a great trip.
• Zach said the fall when all the cool new video games came out.  (Ugh)
• Mason said when he did really well on a math test. (Yeah)

I would have to say the highlight of my year was when I started editing my book and realized it was kind of good.  I have learned so much over the last 8 years of writing, and it shows.  Maybe this is the one.  

I wonder, what was the highlight of your year?

Fake It Til You Make It

According the urban dictionary, yes there is such a thing, the term Fake It Til You Make It  means: faking confidence or happiness until you've reached or attained it; displaying what you want to be until you become it.  

I used to think this was being fake, and some would still argue that.  Another definition from the urban dictionary is: Pretending to be something you are not, in hopes of fitting in, joining a group, or getting a job. ie: depicting wealth by wearing expensive clothes, shoes, handbags or driving fancy cars. Pretentious.

I think it is more about making things how you want them to be than pretending.  If you want to fit in a certain group, or get a particular job, you have to act the part.  But if you are acting the part, who is to say it isn't how you are?

After reading The Secret I started to "fake" like I was a positive person, and only thought about things I wanted to happen, instead of worrying about things that weren't happening.  The funny thing is, those things started happening.  I got a new job making a lot more money which in turned allowed my family to travel more, and do other things we wanted to do.

I wonder if there is something to "faking it" that makes it happen.  If you pretend you have confidence or happiness does that mean you actually do?  I don't know but it seems to be working for me.